home for the week. reading week already. i can barely beleive it. bobby's coming to stay tomorrow. Can't wait to have him all to myself for a little while. It's always so nice when we can just hang out instead of only seeing eachother at night.

we have big plans! since jess and brady will be here too i think we'll be out with them a bit and then Wed eve. Marc invited us to this open mic night at his local. should be a fun drunk night :) Weird going out in ottawa.. i never usually feel comfortable here. except when bobby is around and im seeing lots of school friends. im hoping ill meet some cool people this summer.. gotta start getting some resumes out this week.. waitressing, bar staff.. that kinda thing.. gotta bust out a low cut top and flirt with managers and maybe ill make some kind of money this summer working at a busy bar downtown :) but yeh.. i have a paper and some notes that need doing this week but apart from that the break from school is very welcome! i wonder what kingston is like in the summer.. prolly a lil emptyer than im used to but still nice so i hear. the weather would be glorious.. down by the lake.. sigh.. wouldn't it be amazing if bobby was staying and we could spend the summer together and frolick free in the glorious weather!

anyway-- gotta restart.

more to come

So i'm headed back to school today with a stupid cold. GAG. i think i got it from my grandfather when we were visiting them in Florida. booo.. too bad relaly since the last thing i need is to be sick the first hectic week back. I hae 24 hours of class in four days this term.. woah nelly. but yeh.. the break has been ok. i never really feel like it's much of a vacation when i'm here in ottawa. though it was nice to be able to get away from the minor dramas of the house and the stress of classes and exams. im definitly ready to go back. im a little nervous about having to finally figure out what im doing so far as living arrangements for next year. i think i have it 70% sorted. i just need to figure out the final bits and ill have some peace of mind. Bobby isn't back until tuesday.. boo!! i wish he'd be there when i get in and we could have a nice evening just relaxing and happy to be back. I feel so drained right now though. im already exhausted at the prospect of having to go back to the work load and the somewhat exhausting social life that all come as part of the package. wonderful as it is, being busy is still busy. Been having really vivid dreams lately.. weird and creepy and i seem to have them haunting me through the next days.. meh.. anyway.. thats all for now.

o.

I was just reading over my posting from the summer and eventhough it seems so far away now, it's not hard to remember the feeling of hopelessness and frustration that were constantly with me then. i just hope i can find something to make me happy this summer. a good place to work where i'll meet people my age and won't feel so desperate, counting the days until school again. funny how at school three months seems like they flew but this summer dragged. i was aware of every minute passing. here life seems to race by so fast and i can barely beleive that it's practically Christmas. only one more week of classes and first semester is over. how did that happen? i now have a built in fear of going home. i wish i felt like i was going home when i leave for my parents house but really the only place that i call home is kingston.

so i have a list about a mile long of all the things i need to get done before i leave on saturday... some fun stuff and some not as fun stuff like the rest of my packing.. gah.. im never going to fit everything i want to bring into this van my parents rented.. anyway at least ive got most of my clothes all packed up.. i still want to bake some cookies for bobby and his fam to thank them for having me stay at BOTH their cabins!! lucky me!! (ps i cant belive that im actually going on sunday!! though it still feels soooo far away..) i think that i'll try and make then tonight because otherwise it will be getting too close to the crunch and ill have lots of other odds and ends to attend to.. mmm miami ink is on tonight.. can't wait to be able to download the last few seasons from dc when im back.. im sure maddie will just love me leaving my computer in her room to dl for hours on end.. hmm.. i can't remember if there's a ghetto hub.. hope so! but yeh.. it's about 4:05 on tuesday and ive got just over an hour left until its home time.. YAY!! im taking the bus home today since maddie and mom and dad were meant to be taking maddie to the airport in montreal.. however- her flight was delayed to tomorrow so i think she'll be back for the night! im so happy. i already missed her after i said bye this morn.. :) sisty loooove!! the computer im typing on at work has a sign above it that says "i wish i was a MAC" hahah.. awesome!! :) mac envy runnin rampant!! but yeh.. three more days here and im FREEEEEE!! i can't believe i made it through this summer relatively unscathed and intact. i believe that a lot of that is due to gill. anyway... i got some free speakers form the school yesterday (i think they updated and needed to get rid of them) and ive painted them violet. they'll be awesome in room at school!!! ohh yay!! i can't wait to decorate and fit everything in at school.. only a few more dayS!!!! :) bah.. ok maybe ill go attend to the room for after care so i can get it clean before the kids start filing in..

one week tomorrow... and i'm free.

today is the 5th of august and i can barely belive that two weeks from to today i'll be moving into my kingston house. and although i never though the summer would end i still find myself surprised at how it seems to have melted away. these next two weeks will hopefully fly. this summer has been long. and i think that next summer i will be far from ottawa. i dont think that i can come back here and feel this same sense of loneliness and desperation. it would be a negative mark towards good mental health. hah.. i keep promising myself that ill work on a painting or soemthing before the summer ends.. but each weekend comes and goes and i still havent managed to get much done. i work on small things here and there but nothing monumental. i am excited to say though that ive picked a piece to donate to the Ovarian Cancer Charity Auction. I'm submitting a print i did in first year of a rose transforming into a gun.i really think it exemplifies that frightening feeling of watching something beautiful turn into something dangerous and deadly. the feeling that you've been betrayed by your body. something i am deeply familiar with. anyway.. i still need to find a frame for it and im sad i wont be able to be there for the auction itself but at least it will be there. i hope it raises some money. im so glad its a long weekend. knowing i have two more days to relax is thrilling!! im just enjoying sitting down and relaxing.. mmm..

OH!!! just got off the phone with bobby and as usual i'm still smiling. Almost nine months now and he still makes me giddy happy. sigh.. just under three weeks until i get to see him!! infact its more like two and a half weeks since im not really counting the weekend.. !!! then a week of lovelyness at his muskoka cabin and just relaxing... i can't wiat! i can't wait to know that that night when we go to be is the first of a wonderful long year of not having to miss him and think about countingdown until i dont have to miss him. life is good. work is hard but it's good. i really love the ladies i work with.. too bad basil is such a twat. anyway i think ill head downstairs and watch a lil tv and make my lunch for tomorrow.. let's cross our fingers that it wont be as humid and hot as this crazy weather is forecasted to be..

I'm reading a great book called Extremely close up and Increadibly Loud.. The boy in it is a mess of random thoughts and confusion topped off with a touch of nerosis. i love the way it's written and the way it makes me think and feel.

mom's coming home today. actually dad's at the airport picking her up right now!! WOOHOO!! and thank god it's friday today.. this week went by quickly but it also felt VERY long.. i can't stand working with Basil. His passive agressiveness is making me feel passively like i want to punch him in the face.. yeh.. not so passive.. So- tomorrow i'm planning to start something to sell at the gallery at work. i want to create something with jewish symbolic imagery. i'm really interested in The Hamsa symbol. the hand with the evil eye in the center to protect against bad luck, greed and general evilness. since i saw a woman get it tattooed on her foot i've been unable to get the symbol out of my mind. im starting to think about getting the symbol tattooed myself! gotta watch out though.. more than one tat can look really tacky..

so yeh.. not much else going on cept my planning on sleeping in and relaxing this weekend.. can't beleive i move into my kingston house three weeks tomorrow.. christ!!

ok night all

>This is a different kind of war, and an old kind of war. In the last
>war, when they blew up buses and restaurants and sidewalks and cafes,
>Israelis were enraged, apoplectic with anger. This time, it's
>different. Rage has given way to sadness. Disbelief has given way to
>recognition. Because we've been here before. Because we'd once
>believed we wouldn't be back here again. And because we know why this
>war is happening.
>
>A rocket hit Haifa in the first days of the war, killing no one, but
>injuring a number of people. It also tore the face off an apartment
>building, leaving the apartments inside eerily exposed, naked, for all
>to gaze into. That small block of Haifa, with its shattered shell of a
>building, rubble all along the street, citizens dazed as they wandered
>about looking at it all, appeared to be exactly what it was -- a war
>zone.
>
>And yet, the people in the street stayed near their homes, going
>nowhere. The newscaster asked them why they didn't go somewhere else,
>where it might be safer. One man answered with statistics. "Why leave
>now? We've already been hit. The chances of us being hit again are one
>in a million." To which another man responded almost with outrage.
>"What do numbers have to do with it?" he asked. And then, he turned to
>the camera, almost screaming, pointed to the broken building, and said,
>"This is our home. Mi-po ani lo zaz. From here, I am not budging."
>And he repeated his refrain over and over again. "This is my home. And
>from here, I am not budging." "Mi-po ani lo zaz."
>
>Israelis understand what this is. This is a war over our homes. Over
>our homes in the north, for now, but eventually, as the rockets get
>better and larger, all of our homes. This is not about the territories.
> This is not about the "occupation." This is not about creating a
>Palestinian State. This is about whether there will be a state called
>Israel. Sixty years after Arab nations greeted the UN resolution on
>November 29 1947 with a declaration of war, nothing much has changed.
>They attacked this time for the same reason that they did sixty years
>ago.
>
>At first, it was the Egyptians, Jordanians and Syrians. We put a stop
>to that in 1949, 1956, 1967 and 1973.
>
>Then it was the Palestinians, who bamboozled the world (and many of us
>Israelis) into believing that they just wanted a State, and that their
>terror was simply a way of forcing us to make one possible. We fought
>the terror in 1982 (Lebanon), 1987 (Intifada) and even after Camp David
>and Oslo, once again in 2000-2005 (the Terror War). And then, we
>actually tried to make the State happen. We got out of Lebanon to put
>an end to that conflict. And even more momentous, we got out of Gaza,
>hoping that they'd start to build something.
>
>And now, it's Hezbollah. Or more accurately, Syria. Or to be more
>precise, Iran. What's Iran's beef with Israel? Territory it lost? It
>didn't lose any. And does anyone really believe that Iran cares one
>whit about the Palestinians and their state? That's not the reason. We
>know it, and so do they.
>
>Now, the bitter reality of which Israel's right wing had warned about
>all along is beginning to settle in. It is not lost on virtually any
>Israelis that the two primary fronts on which this war is being
>conducted are precisely the two fronts from which we withdrew to
>internationally recognized borders. We withdrew from Gaza, despite all
>the internal objections, hoping to move Palestinian statehood -- and
>peace -- one step closer. But all we got in return was the election of
>Hamas, and a barrage of more than 800 Qassams that they refused to end.
>And then they stole Gilad Shalit. Not from Gaza. Not from some
>contested no man's land. From inside the internationally recognized
>borders of Israel. As if to make sure that we got the point -- "There
>is no place that you're safe. There is no place to which we won't take
>this war. You can't stay here."
>
>Because as much as we have wanted to believe otherwise, they have no
>interest in building their homeland. They only care about destroying
>ours.
>
>Six years ago we pulled out of Lebanon. Same story. In defiance of the
>UN's resolution 1559, Hizbollah armed itself to the teeth, and as we
>watched and did nothing, accumulated more than 10,000 rockets. And dug
>itself into the mountains. And established itself in Beirut,
>effectively using the entire Lebanese population as human shields. And,
>assuming that there was little that we could or would do, it attacked on
>June 12, killing eight soldiers, and stealing Ehud Goldwasser and Eldad
>Regev. Not from Southern Lebanon. Not from Har Dov, a tiny hilltop
>that's still contested. But from inside Israel. Inside a line that no
>one contests.
>
>Unless, of course, they contest the idea of the whole enterprise. Which
>they do. And which is precisely the point.
>
>And which is why this incredibly divided and divisive society has
>rallied so monolithically around a Prime Minister who until last week
>wasn't terribly popular, and around a war that may or may not accomplish
>all its military objectives. It explains why, even as the air raid
>sirens go off across the country, and may eventually start their wail in
>Tel Aviv, too, as people dash across streets, panicked, trying to find
>the nearest bomb shelter, no one complains about the government. No
>one's complaining about the amount of time it's taking the air force to
>put a stop to this. It explains why all over this city, advertisements
>on bus stops have been replaced with a photo of an Israeli flag and the
>phrase Chazak Ve-ematz -- "be strong and resolute" (Moses' words to
>Joshua in Deut. 31:7). [I've posted it at
>www.danielgordis.org/Site/Site_Photos.asp if you want to see what it
>looks like.] Even the people who've lost family members, who are
>interviewed while still overwrought with grief, have no complaints about
>the government or the army. "Finish this job," they effectively say.
>"We'll stick it out."
>
>But behind the defiance lies sadness, a tired and experienced renewed
>loss of optimism, a wondering if it will ever, ever end. Because we
>know what they want. It's not the Golan Heights. It's not the West
>Bank. And it's not a State. We know what they want, and we know why
>they want it.
>
>On TV the other night, one of the news shows started off with a brief
>comedic episode. It showed two guys, looking and acting Israeli to the
>hilt. One of them was speaking in a heavy caricatured Sephardic North
>African accident, spitting toothpicks as he carried on, telling his
>friend, over and over and over, "mi-po ani lo zaz. This is the only
>place where Jews can be safe, he insisted. This is the place we must
>stay. From here, I'm not moving." And then the camera panned back,
>until gradually, you realized that the background you were staring at
>was the London Bridge, and the Tower of London. It would have been
>funny, if it weren't so sad.
>
>It's sad, because deep down, people are starting to wonder. Would going
>there be the only way to get beyond their hate? We got out of Lebanon.
>We left Gaza. Olmert was elected after he openly declared his intention
>to give back the majority of the West Bank. But without intending to,
>we called their bluff. And now we know: the issue isn't their
>statehood. It's ours.
>
>The sadness comes from the clarity. We can sign peace treaties, and
>withdraw, and arm ourselves. But nothing's enough. You sign a treaty
>with Egypt, but then Syria takes over Lebanon and uses Hezbollah as its
>proxy. You get peace with Jordan, but Iran joins the fray. You learn
>to defend your border, so they attack you from well within their
>countries. It feels relentless, because it is. It feels like it never
>ends, because it doesn't. It doesn't feel like the seventh war. It
>feels like a continuation of the first. Could it be that we're right
>back where we started?
>
>Maybe that's why nobody I know actually laughed at the Tower of London
>skit.
>
>Is this like the first war, because we could win it and still not have
>security? What if, as even the army says is likely, Hezbollah is left
>wounded but still intact at the end? What, we just wait until they
>decide to lob more missiles at Haifa, or Safed, or even Tel Aviv? Bomb
>shelters will once again be part of the reality of Israeli kids? Have
>we returned to the late 40's and 1950's, when border towns had to live
>with the ongoing dread that Fedayeen would sneak across the border and
>kill people? Except that now, in an era of missiles, most of the
>country is a border town.
>
>This is like the first war because Israeli citizens, in the middle of
>the country, are getting killed by a foreign "army." In 1956, 1967 and
>even in 1973, we mostly took the war to the border. And then to their
>territory. Israel's civilian population centers, even in those horrible
>conflagrations, were left more or less intact. But not in 1948, and not
>this time. Haifa is the front. Safed is the front. Nazarath is the
>front. And they're all burying people. Adults, and children. Jews,
>and Israeli Arabs. And Tel Aviv, if you believe Nasrallah, may well be
>next.
>
>And it's like the old wars because all our hopes to the contrary
>notwithstanding, the casualties are mounting. Just days after the
>Israeli pundits were discussing whether or not a limited ground
>incursion might be necessary, whether or not the air force could do this
>on its own, there are troops on the ground in Lebanon. Thousands of
>soldiers, the papers say this morning. And in the few days since
>they've gone in, kids have been coming back in body bags. These are
>elite units, and though we're told that they're having some successes in
>finding and destroying the bunkers built into the mountain, they're
>encountering heavy resistance. And not all of them are making it home.
>
>
>We've been here before, too. We'd thought we were done with that.
>
>For the first few days of this new war, Israelis were relieved to see
>the footage of a hundred Israeli planes over Lebanon at any one point.
>We'd show them that they'd miscalculated. We'd put a stop to this.
>We'd get our stolen boys back. A decisive victory, like in days of old.
> With fewer casualties on our side. But well into the second week of
>the war, we don't have our boys back. And soldiers are dying, and
>coming home without legs. And the victory hasn't been decisive. And
>Israeli cities are still being shelled, and traumatized Israeli kids by
>the thousands are still sleeping in bomb shelters. Just like in the
>first war.
>
>And it's like the first war because the news is broadcasting photos of
>lines of Arab refugees fleeing the fighting in Beirut, heading north, or
>to Syria. Israeli TV is showing footage of a former city that looks
>much more like Dresden than Beirut. There are probably some Israelis
>who couldn't care less, but the ones that I talk to, work with and share
>a neighborhood with, do care. They understand that we probably have no
>choice, for Hezbollah has decided to use Beirut as its human shield, and
>for years and years, Lebanon did nothing to stop them. Or even to try.
>And we have no choice but to survive.
>
>But the Israelis I talk to all day long are still saddened by the
>miles-long lines of thousands upon thousands upon thousands of Lebanese
>refugees, fleeing their homes and rubble filled neighborhoods with white
>flags hovering outside their cars even as Israeli war planes roar
>overhead. Simply on a human level, we know that the suffering is
>incalculable. That, too, looks like that old black and white footage
>from the War of Independence. And as a problem for Israel, we know,
>Arab refugees don't disappear. They attack, we respond, they flee. And
>then the problem becomes ours.
>
>And even though Jerusalem is, so far, beyond the reach of the rockets,
>even here, the air has started to take on a war-like feel. A colleague
>of mine, in her 40's, cancelled a meeting yesterday because her
>real-estate agent husband was just called up and sent to the Egyptian
>border. A friend I met later in the afternoon cut a meeting short
>because his son was getting a few hours off. The kid hasn't even
>finished basic training, but was sent out to Samaria to guard an outpost
>so that more experienced kids could get sent to the front. And we were
>going to try to get together with other friends this morning, but they
>can't. Their twenty year old son got called up from his yeshiva, and
>sent to south of Hebron, and they're going to try to get out there to
>bring him some food for Shabbat. And our daughter won't be home for
>Shabbat -- she's got guard duty on base. With the other two kids away
>for the summer, we're home by ourselves. The house feels empty, hollow.
> Like the towns in the north.
>
>And so it goes. Another all out war, when it could have been different.
> If they'd wanted something else. But they don't. Not the Iranians,
>not the civilians in Syria interviewed on CNN who spoke with admiration
>of Nasrallah, not the Palestinians on the West Bank who've posted his
>picture everywhere, and not even the Israeli Arabs in Nazareth who, from
>the depths of their mourning, blame Israel and not Nasrallah for the
>loss of their children.
>
>So it's the seventh war (Or the eighth, if you count the War of
>Attrition. Or the ninth, if you count the first Intifada). And the
>first war. It's all the wars. They're all the same, in the end,
>because we can't afford to lose. We can't afford to lose, so we won't.
>More decisively or less, with more destruction of Lebanon or less,
>sooner or later, we'll win it. We have to. The whole enterprise is at
>stake.
>
>It's the seventh war, or the eighth. And the first. When the 1973 Yom
>Kippur War was at its height, Yehoram Gaon went to the front and sang
>the now famous lyrics, Ani mavti'ach lach -- "I promise you, my little
>girl, that this will be the last war." They never play that song
>anymore. Because no one believes it. There will be no last war.
>
>It's the eighth war, or the ninth. But it isn't the last war. It's the
>first war, all over again. We've got this war for the same reason that
>we had all the others. We have this war for the same reason that people
>in Haifa are still saying "mi-po ani lo zaz." We got this war for the
>same reason that we got the first, and the second.
>
>We know why they attacked then. And we know why they're still
>attacking. And we're determined to hold on for the same reason that
>they're so determined never to stop. There's one reason, and one reason
>only:
>
>The Jewish People has nowhere else to go.
>
>
>
>
>
>(c) 2006 Daniel Gordis
>

So- just got home after an interesting appointment. makes me think a lot about things that matter, things that don't, things i think matter that may not and things that i don't think matter but really do.. if that all makes any sense.. anyway- week three of camp is coming to a close and though i've slipped into the rythm im still very glad to be putting weeks behind me. Now that i'm taking the last week off to go to tea-room training everything seems more doable. By that count next week i'll only have three more weeks until i'm done and as bobby said recently when the weeks get down to only a couple it really just turns into a countdown and time takes on its only rules and shape. so i guess that really what ive been feeling all summer isin't it? a countdown- my internal timer has been on pause while time outside my head hurtles on. i cant believe ive been home for three months. i can't believe this summer will ever end. and though ive been seeing the new school year as the beacon of light to keep me going through the endlessness of the summer i still dont really have a clear picture of what it will bring. ive yet to create the reality of it. the house is still empty, the classes still fresh with anticipation of work and readings i may or may not do and the people still frozen moments- heads thrown back in laughter and joy as my mind re-creates the world ive spent so much time missing. i hope that everything really is as i believe i left it. i know ill make this year count the way only a return home can. a new begining always feels like invalidated time because its so full of newness and uncertainty. for the first time though im really going back to something and knowing that has brought me unimaginable joy and excitement. ive finally settled into a life i love. i can't wait to be back. in other news tomorrow is friday - aka swimming day- and im sure the water will be as frigid as ever.. yay. i'm really hoping that brady ends up coming in and marc, jess brady and whom ever else get to party. i could really use a night of drunken abandon. I just want time to slip by unnoticed and seamlessly. i dont think ive ever noticed how long weeks can feel. like the horizon though my goal never quite seems to get any closer. though i know unlike the horizion- my goal is attainable and will eventually be reached. Wells i was just reading you entry and im so excited for you and steph! i think you two have something to increadibly rare. really love at first sight too. you guys made me a beleiver. i hope york reunion at the cottage is great and that you're ready for the enxt chapter to start in BC. may it be all you dream of and really all you so deserve.

ok- well i think i'll sign off for now.. so you think you can dance is on at nine and im hookt. hope everyone is having a rockin summer.

THANK GOD!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All is well.. im leaving camp a week early to do tea room training so that only leaves four more weeks here!! i can live with that!!!

i hate counting down.


i hate that all i think about is how many weeks to go until im done the summer. i hate that i can't just enjoy the moment. i hate ottawa, i hate being here and not knowing anyone. i hate that i'm so angry all the time and that i feel so damn alone. i hate that i don't even recognize who i am because its so distorted. i hate the summer. i hate being tired, i hate being away from bobby and erin and everyone i care about. i hate everything right now.

i'm so fucking tired.

thank god for weekends off.. it's been so wonderful relaxing all day and just hanging out.. not to mention the delicious sleep in.. mmmm not getting up at 630 am is pure bliss.. anyway.. one week down and im feeling pretty good.. knowing i get a break at the end of each week is really motivating.. :D apart from the immenant doom that is my required appearance in the water with the kids this friday.. im not too worried about the weeks to come. hopefully i'll get in the swing of things and then before i know it it will be time to head back to good old kingston and the year that awaits.

anyway- time for a bed time snack, a late night phone call to the hot bf and maybe a few chapters of my book then it's off to bed.. mmmmm good times.

I thought this day would never come.. i'm so happy i can barely describe it! t-10 hours till take off!!!!!!

OH MY GOODNESSS!! I CAN NOW OFFICIALLY SAY I'M GOING TOMORROW!!!! yippeeeeeee!!

just your typical sunday morning really.. sitting outside with my dad watching and yelling at the creepy crawly while it tries desperatley to clean the pool...

Went and saw the Weaktherthans last night with Jess. Amazing show!! i loved it so much!!! sigh.. literally everytime i go see a band i instantly fall in love with the lead singer.. young, old, fat, scrawny.. no matter.. im in love and can practically picture our wedding.. haha.. but yeh.. last night was no different.. too bad i'd prolly need a penis to make weatherthans' leading man want much to do with me.. sigh* fantasies and nothings! Speaking of wonderful things to look forward to in the near futur.. My count down is now officially 6 days (well when it hit 12 am..) but yeh!! 6 days! that's nothing!! bahh!! I have the day off tomorrow which is nice but it'll be another busy busy one.. gotta get up around 9 and head downtown to fill in a police background check to the Art school since i'll be working with kiddies.. then i'm heading into Dynamite to do my last minute shopping before i no longer get my wonderful 50% discount.. then I'm meeting Erin for lunch at 12:30.. Then I have to head down to Wellington to get my cheque from Rob (finally) and yeh.. so it felt like more than i guess it is but still.. oh man i hope my head ach goes away by tomorrow.. i dont know what i;ll do with myself otherwise.. likely take too many advil and get yelled at by mumsy dearest.. i know i know.. bad.. but the 4oo ml just dont do it for meeee... lets see.. what else.. bobby got his tattoo yesterday and im pumped to see it.. if a little nervous.. i can't picture it at all since he won't tell me anything about it excpet that it's a maple leaf in black and white with lots of detail.. meh.. i hope it's nice!!

But yeh.. i think its bed time for me now.. ive been up since early ish.. and my head hurtssss... yay early nights! been having loads recently.. bobby always made me get to bed early.. mm incentive.. but more so hes just an early to bed old man.. haha.. sigh i can't wait to see him!! i can't wait to jump on him and be so happy and he smells so damn good.

haha ok.. enough

so i watched the family stone today.. actually tunred out to be quite a good movie.. weirdly.. i cried though- im such a loser. haha. oh man i can only imagine all the things that went wrong for poor SJP going wrong for me at bobbys house.. though its not likely that i'll be racist or homophobic... right.. so work tomorrow 11-4.. not bad.. short shifty-poo. then tuesday close and wed another 11-4 and thurs the ever popular 1-9:30pm.. EW! friday off then working sat and sun till close.. sigh.. at least though by the time i get to next sunday ill be at the ten day count down for winnipeg and le bob!! CANT WAIT!!! woooot!!! :) anyway-- i really should get some sleep.

night all.

x